The Excitement of She, "Coffee Break fiction"

She was excited, sitting in the garden, sun warming her face, she smiled. It was a big day, ahead was a big party with all their friends. She took in a big breath while her face was tilted upwards to the warmth of the sun & let out a satisfied sigh. Yes, it was a good day!

She sipped at her coffee & nibbled at her homemade jam on her freshly baked bread. This was the life, she was so lucky. Sitting here in the sun at 7.30am who would have thought?
Life had not been easy for her, in fact mostly it been impoverished, sad & full of rejection, till she met her latest husband.

Oh she loved this life, loved her walled garden, loved her new role. Shame life gets in the way occasionally but she can deal with that, had learnt to disguise her inpatients with people. She needed them on side, needed them to care for her, to believe in her. Well she had succeeded in that, excelled in friendship, hospitality & helping others.
They all thought she was great. Not long now, this day was going to be her greatest achievement to date & she was so looking forward to the party & being the centre of attention, all day!

She had her outfit all laid out on the bed, a gorgeous red & pink silk dress with little flowery motifs, it looked good on her, showed off her newly acquired shape. She loved looking in the mirror now, loved her reflection & the knowledge that it will just continue to get better over the next few months.

It’s amazing what a shot of happiness can do for an overweight unhappy woman. She had bought high strappy wedge heeled shoes which made her feel tall & confident & a set of delicate silver bangles that will tinkle as she moves, making her feel feminine. She has a gorgeous silver watch studded with crystals, well she has to keep up appearances after all it all goes to make her feel more of an attractive feminine woman!  

The sun was getting hotter now, she was grateful for the grapevine that gave her shade and dappled sun, very Mediterranean,  one of her joys in the morning. The sun was making her newly highlighted and coiffed hair shimmer. She loved her new look, felt younger and very attractive. It had been a very long time since she had felt attractive, let alone looked it. She thought about this and knew it was all about how she was treated, whether she was accepted or rejected. She was looking forward to today.

She reflected on how funny life was, how it could change in an instant, come to an end in a second. She takes a deep breath in, smelling the air, sighing in pleasure starts to plan her summer garden. There’s a lot to do!
Smiling to herself she runs upstairs to get ready, today she must take extra care and attention.

She was very impressed with the turn out of guests, all dressed beautifully on the warm sunny day, which was a bonus. Everyone was being very attentive to her, said she looked wonderful, making sure she had a drink and chatting with her.
It was a lovely service, a huge celebration and having lots of friends there made her day. She felt great, looked fabulous, was on top of the world in the happiness stakes.

It was great to catch up with people she hadn’t seen for a long time, spend quality time with friends, who will be “there” for her. She was excited and having a great time.
The champagne for the toast was the very best money could buy. The food was special, really delicious and fresh off the grill. A garden party is nothing without fresh grilled food.and live background entertainment, yes people would remember this day for years to come.

She was excited, having fun, enjoying a drink and was having a laugh. Not outwardly, you understand, no, inwardly though she was giggling away.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide her joy, but hide it she must, it would not bode well for her to let loose. She could wait, she must wait, till she was alone. Then she can kick off her heels and dance around the house.

She thought about that night a few months ago, when she realised the truth of the situation. Her suspicions had been proved right after years of lies and being made to feel stupid!  She found the message on his phone. He was out and had left his phone on charge when the message came through. She knew she shouldn’t look, knew it was wrong but what the heck. There in black and white was the proof she had been waiting for.

She never mentioned it, in fact he wondered at the fact she was more attentive to him, lapping up the attention but still ignoring what she needed.
She took to cooking him special meals with a little something extra. He enjoyed her cooking, always had done.
One lunch time she made him a special pasta dish, he needed feeding up before he got back up that ladder, needed his strength.
She was heart broken when he "fell" off breaking his neck. At the memory a Mona Lisa smile played across her lips.

People were starting to look at her in a quizzical way, perhaps now was a good time to cry a bit, reminisce about what a wonderful life we had together, at least look like the grieving widow!

The Desolation of She, Short story

She waits.

On her own, lonely & depressed. Sadness envelopes her & her heart feels like it will explode.

She knows she must buck up, take hold of herself & as everyone would say “be strong”.

She can’t, she knows that, it’s a given. Life for the foreseeable future will be like this.

Some days she copes better, they are rare, but the nights are filled with self doubt & accusations of uselessness. She is aware she is a waste of space, life for her is a nothing, she a nobody. She has never made a difference, been significant or made an impact, even though she had been told she would.

She is engulfed by self doubt & feels like she could go to sleep & not awake. This would not bother her, she is alone.

Some days she sees others but instead of making her feel happy, it just makes her sadder, brings home she is alone. Social network sites are no good, full of people professing to be there for her? Stupid people! There are other women on them who also are alone, but they were all too far away to help each other & words, typed on a faceless keyboard, mean nothing.

She had learnt the hard way that people no longer care. There was no caring for others anymore, it was all lip service. Society has moved away from real friendships, cuddles & caring for others. Boy when did that happen, in the old days…. Now she sounded like her mum!

She knew she would never get over this, knew life would never be the same again! She felt betrayed & abandoned, lost & ignored.

These feelings had been part of her life years before on different occasions, from the age of two then again at ten. Thirteen was the start of three bad years & it all set her up nicely for years of betrayal, which just added to the baggage.

She knew all this, had tried to “deal” with it all, with help from a church & a common sense personality.

She was destroyed to find herself fighting the same emotions, yet again, in her life. She had thought she had come away from all that. Thought life was being kind to her at last. Thought she was loved & would never again feel so desolate. She was wrong, she was sad about that!

Long summer days living in paradise. This was where she wanted to be, was the right choice. So why did she feel so bad. Going out, photographing her environment gave her pleasure but where was the joy? Surely life should be good?

What was the alternative, to leave would more likely mean never to return. This was not an option for her, for them.

Life, what made a good life for a person whose emotions were so visible? So much so that while frequenting a dinner party she sat at the table crying, unable to stop herself, embarrassed.   No one comforted her, they just pretended not to notice. This was just one occassion where her emotions overflowed in public!

She looked forward, took the opportunity to have a good look at herself, her attitude, her care of others. There is nothing like experiencing something yourself to understand others, to see what others need.

She walked forward, felt she had learnt something, was learning still. It was positive, a way of changing, a way of living. The end was coming & she vowed to herself to make it different, to be more positive, to make it worth while & the first step was to look towards others.
The rest she felt would follow...........