Mona lay on her all soft and enveloping sofa, gently Stroking herself, she was wet that's for sure, thinking of him, the one that won't leave her, won't let her soul be free.
Idly she turns her thoughts to him, his touch on her clitoris, which she found so loving as well as erotic, his tongue teasing her open to his fingers so horny to her, knowing he was enjoying her and wanting her made her feel special. Thankfully she came then, a gentle orgasm but just what she needed, before she burst into tears.
These memories hurt, She was just a rebound, someone to ease the pain for a while, be at the beck and call of his pain, she was happy to do so.
She had fallen deeply in love but not he.
This time in her life was erotic but not secure, Sexual but not but not loving.
He was deeply hurt, had no connection only pain,
Mona wondered how much she could take without him being with her fully. Her soul cried for him, her heart yearned for him, she would do whatever he asked but he never held her hand, never walked with her, always ahead she gave up trying to keep up with him.
Christopher was a horny bugger, would masturbate at every opportunity, watched porn to help it happen or video chats with his girlfriend, it was a long distance relationship, this kept him safe, safe from having to commit to anyone safe from making decisions about any future.
Chris found someone who would take all his bullshit, take all his pain, stroke his head and hug him when his soul cried out in pain. He knew she loved him, Mona, he found her too soon, knew he had no future with her, even though she had saved him. He had come a long way from when he first needed her, now his eye was wandering, she had no idea
Siena was Monas friend, she wasn't keen on Chris mainly because she was jealous of their relationship so she fills Monas head with negative thoughts and tells her to put limits on him. Mona was so insecure she did it and with hindsight she knew it was the wrong thing to do but now its too late. Siena knew what she was doing, in reality she doesn't want it to work
Mona was looking forward to seeing him soon, it was her birthday and his a couple of weeks later so Chris suggested they go away somewhere hot.
Mona was so excited, she loved to travel but she was more excited to spend quality time with Chris she loved him so much, got those butterflies in her tummy when she was seeing him, which was not enough but they made it work and their sex was amazing sexual experimental and emotionally loving. making love while kissing the whole time, doing what turned each other on, she was so happy in that. So what's the problem, well he won't tell her he loves her, puts love down, so she knows he is not in love with her
and she needs someone who will love her as she loves him, puts her first other than hiding her. He hides her from his friends and family so Mona knows deep in her heart she is his dirty little secret, but still holds on to hope.
Chris was getting ready to go away on his own, he has met someone online and is going to meet them. Mona obviously has no idea so he is going to tell her he just needs time on his own and is meeting an old friend and his family. He knows she will be devastated and let down as it was her birthday and he had said they would go away together. Chris was fed up having to be with just one person, being true to Mona, she had lasted a year and now it was time for him to move on, find something real or just play the field. He had spun so much bull shit about what they would do but he realised she had saved his life but she was definitely a rebound. Chris had no concept as to plans for his future, what he wanted now out of life.
Mona was thinking about her soon to be trip, just then Chris video called her
Chris was in his friends apartment so said he couldn't speak for long, she said hi to his friend and Chris said they were going out for a bit so a quick micro chat and he ended the call. Mona was disappointed but this had been pretty normal of late and she had always told him he didn't HAVE to call her every day but it had been an intense year with him phoning every day sometime numerous times yet now it just wasn't the same, something was up her spirit never failed to warn her.
Chris was using his friend Mike as an excuse.
Mike was not happy "Chris mate you really need to finish it with Mona, it's not fair to her keeping her dangling" Chris knew he was right but this woman had been there for him for a year " Yes mate I know but I just know I will hurt her. " Don't you think she will be hurt even more when she knows what your up to" "No she will never know" " Yeah but you have to tell her you are not going away with her"
Later that night he video phoned her when he knew she would be in bed and sleepy. "Hiya how's your evening been darling" She was happy to see him
" Ok, Mike is having relationship problems so I have been a listening ear. We popped out for a drink. Listen I've decided to go away to see a very good friend and his family, just for a few days" Mona was devastated it was her special birthday and now there will be no celebrating it, she felt so alone, she was alone. "I thought we were going away together? that was the plan, to celebrate my special birthday and yours together"
Mona was well aware what this meant, it was the end. Her spirit was never wrong, her life had been one of rejection so she knew.
The relationship just died, Chris moved on to numerous women and eventually met someone he fell for.
Mona had no idea but Chris was still in touch, occasionally, he didn't know why, so he wanted to tell her in person.
Mona had not moved on, she was waiting for him to come home and then when he saw her he would fall in love with her and realise what he was missing. He would scoop her up and tell her he loved her.
Poor Mona she had no idea, she was living in a fantasy world. Mona could not forget what a great time they had. She just loved him and trusted that God had put them together.
She knew he had been back for a while now and he had not contacted her.
Chris decided he couldn't put it off any longer. PF was not keen, she wanted him to tell Mona by text but he insisted, he knew he was about to break her heart and he told her so. PF was not a very nice person, he was enamored though. He knew she had an issue because she was jealous of the relationship they had before her. Chris spoilt PF more than he had Mona, she was just happy to be with him where as PF wanted big expensive all at his expense.
Chris was dreading telling Mona, how would she feel, how would he feel, PF couldn't give a shit how Mona would feel, she just wanted him to go in drop the bomb and come straight back to her. She had met all his friends and his family, Mona hadn't, this made her happy. She PF would mold him into who she wanted him to be, then Mona would be a thing of the past
Mona was so happy, today she was going to see the man she loved and hoped to spend her life with, she was delusional but didn't know this yet.
When Chris turned up she had butterflies "Can I get you a coffee" she said "Go and sit by the pool and I'll bring it out
Once she had set the coffee on the table she looked at him and smiled " so how are you Chris, what have you been up to"
His stomach flipped "Well I've met someone" "What? What did you say?"
He repeated "I've met someone else"
She couldn't help what happened next, her heart literally broke, her soul ripped and the deep sorrow escaped her. The tears just gushed from her, she lost her equilibrium, just couldn't believe what she heard.
Mona wanted him to just go, she was not going to cope being near him, but he refused. Mona could not stop crying but he insisted on taking her out, I guess he thought he could make her happy? Stupid!
Mona just could not look at him without breaking down, she was not enjoying being with him, it was just so painful all she wanted was to go home and bury herself in her duvet so she could cry in comfort, alone without eyes being on her, she needed to bawl loudly.
The only thing she could say was "your not meant to be with her, your meant to be with me" Mona knew this as true
Once home he left, Mona knew he didn't realise the meaning of this to her but he was on his own road right or wrong. She knew her days of romance were over, let alone a sexual relationship with anyone. This fact made her bloody mad, men don't realise this aspect of harming an older woman, it's different when your young, there's always a chance on finding love again but Mona had travelled this road three times before, managing to find love and a great sexual relationship too. she knew from experience that sex was a very important part of a loving relationship, it deepens the intimacy between a couple, it makes the love bond stronger and now she would never experience this feeling again
Chris made his way home, he phoned PF to tell her, she was pissed off and couldn't understand why he spent all day with Mona. He was worried now that he had made a terrible mistake but he was a typical man so that didn't last long.
PF was fucked off, she didn't want this woman in Chris's life, how dare she still be a thing?
She was sure going to get rid of her.
She would blow him away sexually, he was a sexual person and loved fucking her, obviously. She had a good body, had waxing so he could experience the full view, he never had that before and she thought any man should feel lucky to have her in bed. Yes she was going to win, he had spent a fortune on her already going on trips to different exotic countries with a gentle nudge from her. She knew he didn't do so much for her, she was just a cane to lean on in his dark hours, she was the light in his life
Mona grieved but got on with life. She kept her pain to herself not sharing with Siena, she just told her he had a girlfriend and that yes she was hurt. It was easy as Siena didn't care about her feelings she just wanted to gossip about what went on. Every now and then she would ask if she had heard from him, Mona just said yes or no.
The pain was too much to share.
A couple of months later Mona took a holiday, she needed the sea and a pool, good food and needed to lay in the sun. She had no fun but she lay by the pool, read a favorite book, walked along the sea shore, drank some delicious Gin and Tonics and enjoyed great food.
this trip was just what she needed to charge her batteries.
Then HE phoned her. He had split from PF, although he didn't tell Mona at first but she knew something was going on, her spirit never lied
So here they were, he hung out the carrot and she trotted after him. She was just the rebound girl again but she was still in love with him or at least the him she thought he was. From that night they re-connected again.
Phone calls nightly and Mona being at his beck and call to help him where he needed
It was never a relationship but always the carrot was there, with a far off promise. Did he realise, no of course not, he just wanted the companionship and they did by this time have a deep friendship, he didn't want to lose that.
Once Mona was out with friends and looking, even if she thought so herself, both pretty and sexy, a guy started chatting to her. Mona having given up on love with anyone else other than Chris she was taken aback when the guy asked if she was married and could he have her number and maybe take her out.
She told Chris that night and shocked her by being some sort of way, he was shocked and told her she had to go, she was completely taken aback and confused. She told him so many times she really didn't want to go, she didn't even fancy him. Why was she so confused? It was typical of him to make her feel bad, like she had done something to him
Chris decided that he needed time from talking to Mona to think, when she asked about what he said them, her, what he wanted, three days later he said he didn't want a relationship with her and that was that.
Chris didn't talk to Mona for at least six months.
He hadn't told her he had already met someone else, he'd moved on to yet another woman , but he had also been seeing a another before too, (he later informed her he had dated four other women after her)
Mona would have been devastated all over again and he tried to avoid that situation as it made him feel bad, he just wanted to move on and enjoy his life, he didn't want to think of himself as bad, he needed to know he was a good person, which he was but where Mona was concerned, well she was different brought up so many negative feelings in him.
Chris was enjoying life, enjoying his new relationship, travel, hobbies and work. He never thought about Mona she had served her purpose at the time, God sent her into his life to help him heal, give hope, she was there for him in his grief when he could not talk to anyone else in his life.
Mona would speak to him until he fell asleep, calm him when he freaked out or lost his shit, she built him up showering him with compliments, because she loved him.
Sex with Mona was fantastic, she made him feel fantastic, he just could not commit to her. There was life out there that for a period he could not see and he wanted to experience it without commitment.
His new woman was another long distance affair so there was no need for commitment just a good time and more ego stroking and she was a stunner.
Mona was sad, just so sad. She couldn't help it, it was deep inside but she went along with social occasions, was the life and soul of every occasion but she really felt life had drained out of her.
She went on holidays with friends, lunches, held parties, went to parties and visited friends. She enjoyed all of this but there was no real joy in her life anymore. Mona embraced this new lifestyle and moved on without Chris in her life. She prayed every day that Jesus would heal her soul and break the soul connection with Chris, this was proving to not be happening but anyway she was moving on.
For some reason Chris re-connected with Mona, he enjoyed her company and speaking to her. He had some great chats with her and she was someone he could joke with, talk through important thoughts and theories with and act his true self with. He knew he could be himself and she would not reject him or think he was a plonker. He knew she still loved him.
Somehow over the years Mona and Chris had developed a deep friendship. They were straight talking with each other, she supported him mentally and emotionally, confided her worst thoughts, her dreams even her possible new men she would pass through him. He was a great support to her financially if she needed help, he loved her as a friend and didn't want her to suffer.
They didn't see each other much but very rarely he would go visit her for a short day, they would have lunch and chat then he would go back home.
It kept them connected but it also kept her hooked.
Mona missed him so much, no idea why she still felt hooked to him. It was so painful and he was so oblivious. They talked every day on the phone and when she was in a bad place she would beg him to pray the Jesus would cut the soul tie to each other. Chris was really oblivious to this, he didn't feel soul connected to anyone so he didn't bother but Mona prayed for it every day
life without him was OK, he was there to talk too, she had got used to being single again so it wasn't awful to be in charge of her own life, having freedom to do what she wanted without having to think of others, the only problem was not having a sexual relationship. Mona was not going to sleep with just anyone, nope she had found out over the years that sex without feelings was just that sex, but with feelings involved it was completely different and that is what she yearned for again, that is what made her cry. Actually there were a lot of things that made her cry and most were past hurts.
Mona had moved past wanting Chris as a mate but it was the loss that hurt her, loss of what could have been. She no longer craved him, she never wanted to live with anyone again and knew for definite he would drive her mad.
She wanted a man that would hold her hand and walk alongside of her, a companion who would cuddle her Someone who loved her more than she loved him, who put her first, who would be by her side when she died. She wanted to feel loved
Chris was still with his long distance girlfriend, but he kept his relationship away from Mona
They kept their friendship close but as normal he told no one. Mona however talked about him sometimes but made it clear they were just friends. Her friends knew she still was in love with him but they couldn't understand why she kept it going, he obviously didn't care about her, but she knew they had a special connection she just didn't know why. She constantly prayed that God would move her on away from him, that she would either find someone else or just only feel friendship for him.
Chris was happy, he had a girlfriend that came over to visit him, he had new friends that he met up with for lunch and BBQ's and he chatted to Mona as well as other ladies, yep he had a good life. He would go away for a few days at a time and when Lissi, his girlfriend came to visit they would go on trips to the coast
.
These trips with Lissi hurt Mona for the first couple of years but eventually friendship took over from romantic love, she believed herself to finally be healed. Her main problem with people was being lied to, Mona couldn't understand why as she was an open book, maybe that's not a good thing she didn't know, she just knew lying really hurt her, knew it was a thing from her past that hadn't been taken from her. Mona wore her heart on her sleeve and was painfully honest with her feelings
So after four years of being on her own Mona had to move, she needed to downsize but this meant she would never see her best friend again, the man she still had so much love for, her deep soul friendship, he said he would come to see her but she knew he was lying it was obvious in his body language as well as his tone but she knew anyway.
It was hard for her to say good bye.
Chris knew he would never see Mona again, she didn't even video chat with him anymore, he felt this was so she could distance herself from him somewhat. They still talked and had banter over the phone but that was it. Chris felt relieved in a way. Now they can be friends without the added complications of needing to see her
Mona was still sad deep within her soul but she moved on alone.
Now she was alone and lonely as well as sad. Mona knew she would love to meet a man who would just love her. She didn't want to marry or live with a man she just wanted a weekend boyfriend to have a lovely life with, go on holidays and little breaks with, to eat out and go to the pictures with and make love with, she wanted to feel loved really loved.
Mona still cried sometimes about lost love, lost opportunities and about how her life could have been if years ago she took a different road than the one she had travelled.
Life was shit for Mona and every morning she woke to ask Jesus why am I still here, then thanking him that she was. She had a deep deep faith and walked with God through the tough times of her life, she knew he saw her, heard her and loved her
Chris called Mona for a chat, as he did most days, not every day but still a lot. She chatted about his up coming trips and he knew she was OK, which actually did make him feel better to know.
They didn't speak for long and she wished him a good evening said she was going out tomorrow to see friends for lunch
Mona went to meet up with some friends and talk about booking a trip away, she loved the sun, loved the sea and beach and had found a spa hotel not far away that they could all go to for a lovely relaxing trip. They had a great lunch with lots of laughs, banter and cocktails. Time came to catch the bus back home a little squiffy, she said goodbye as they all went their separate ways.
Mona walking to the bus stop was thinking about the up coming trip and thought she would phone Chris when she got home when she saw something huge coming towards her, she didn't know what hit her, she just knew Jesus was there holding her hand. Mona was both overwhelmingly happy to be in his arms but overwhelmingly sad that she was leaving
All her years flew into he mind, Jesus reassured her she was going to be good, she was going to fall into a deep peaceful sleep and the next thing she would know was when he woke her, she had nothing to fear he was with her and she had been a faithful servant loving him all her life
In her mind Mona nodded her head then fell into her deep sleep leaving the world and all its fears, disappointments and thwarted loves behind, taking the sadness with her along with the love.
